when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
