no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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