Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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