Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
