if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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