Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Randomize
