Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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