there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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