your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt