I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
20 People Who Caught Their Significant Others Cheating and Hand Over Some Major Karma
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
33 Memes You’ll Find Uncomfortably Relatable If You’ve Ever Been Through A Messy Breakup
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.