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Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
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