Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
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Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
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I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle