I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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