I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
We have started to decorate penises.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
