I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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