Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
