do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
