True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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