Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
