I threw up into my coffee this morning.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
