so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
