What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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