You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize