It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
