I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
i've created a new STD.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
