Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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