if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
