I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
