That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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