Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(253): View more from Washington

is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?

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(941): View more from Florida

can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?

(1-941): View more from Florida

idk, I had a turtle in mine.

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(970): View more from Colorado

I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.

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(707): View more from California

please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up

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(706): View more from Georgia

I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB

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(905): View more from Ontario

Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell

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(727): View more from Florida

She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.

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(850): View more from Florida

Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.

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