how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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