two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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