Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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