Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Randomize
