Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
