I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
