omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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