i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
