if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
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