Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
