So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
