Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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