I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
