JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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