She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
