i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
