she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
