She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
