Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
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