The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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