all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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