So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
