btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
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He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
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Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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