I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
