Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
