i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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