I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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