how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
