listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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