He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
