I just cut my nipple shaving
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Someone came in the potted fern
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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