i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
