So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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