Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
