Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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