1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize