well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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