Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
